I too suffered the horror of being called “faggot,” “sissy,” “girl,” all under the shadow of a very masculine and athletic older brother. I have learned and strongly believe that the root of my homosexuality was a deep se a ted inferiority of my own masculinity as a boy, a teen and adult, reinforced a million times by rejection from my male peers and as a result of my own perceptions of this inadequacy. However, I think most importantly, and the “point of this email” is that I believe for me the deepest scar and most important factor in my life was peer rejection. It is so clear to me how this developed in my own life as a “set up” through my strained relationship with my father, hostility with an older brother, and an overbearing and raging mother. After years and years of reinforcing same sex attraction through sexual experiences, lust, pornography and masturbation, my brain has deep neurogical connections for attractions to men. However, the power of it over me has been broken. But now, many years later, I can see much clearer that they were doing the best they could to minister the love of Christ to me, and I also grew to understand that bitterness, rejection, selfishness, self pity and pride are deeply rooted strongholds in homosexuals, former or otherwise.ġ3 years later, although not in the bondage of homosexuality, I still struggle with temptations of same sex attractions daily.
I experienced a great deal of bitterness and hurt towards many other Christians, even the ones who were desperately trying to minster to me, as well as local bodies as a result. I found myself in a position where I had to…utilize secular and para-church organization resources to help me deal with something the people around me and the local churches were simply not equipped to handle. I found myself in a place where I chose to reject mainstream and local community churches as I turned to two or three godly saints who ministered to me as best they could and were faithful to always point me towards Christ. I often found myself isolated, misunderstood, rejected, ignored and expected to be “instantly free” by other Christians after my salvation and subsequent baptism in the Holy Spirit.
I left the homosexual community over 13 years ago after I accepted Christ, and I wish I were able to say that the full Christian community completely embraced me and had the resources and ministry available around me during my struggle to overcome the addictions of homosexual lust, pornography and masturbation. I think it will be worth your time to read what Roger shared below (I’ve italicized one section for emphasis): One of those affirmative responses was from a former homosexual man whom I will call “Roger.” His gracious email brought tears to my eyes, and I thought his words would be helpful for anyone who is trying to better understand (1) some of the possible roots of homosexuality, (2) the means of combatting same-sex attraction, and (3) the struggles that former homosexuals face integrating into the church and society. And finally, some wrote to affirm that my amateur attempt to diagnose the roots of Jean Claude’s same-sex attraction wasn’t too far off track.
A few wrote expressing blanket condemnations upon all homosexuals. Others wrote who believe that homosexuality is the result of demonic oppression or possession, and that it can be cured by exorcism (although none cited any supportive Bible passages or personal success stories of delivering homosexuals through exorcism). I also received a number of responses from good folks who cited first-hand examples of homosexual orientation that could not be attributed to any environmental cause (suggesting a biological cause). Many wrote to compassionately tell me that they were praying for “Jean Claude,” whose poignant story I shared in that e-teaching. Many folks shared their stories and insights. The response to last month’s e-teaching, A Homosexual You Will Love, like the response to the previous month’s, I Love Homosexuals, and I’m Frustrated, was plentiful.